So there it is. Just when you thought the phrase, the lunatics are taking over the asylum’ was a cliché, it actually happens right before your very eyes. The inauguration itself was an unintentionally hilarious  event and a few minutes in, I was convinced that I was actually watching a re-make of ‘Duck Soup’. Actually I’m now even more convinced that this what I was watching. It reminded me of one of those cheap tacky weddings where none of the guests know one another, and them that do don’t get along. Anyway, America held its breath while its new President managed to recite 35 words without enraging gays, the disabled, blacks, Hispanics, Muslims or Meryl Streep!!!

The other three Marx brothers were in attendance too, with Barack, George dubbya, and of course, cigar in his pants Bill, who was sat next to a still dumbstruck Hilary. Actually, you have to feel for Hilary as she remains the only women in America that Bill won’t sleep with! But I was unaware of the fifth Marx Brother until the camera focused on James Danforth Quayle. The man whose IQ remains lower than a pair of whore’s knickers. Dan would have made a great Freedonian president because like Donald, he too can speak absolute bollocks with total authority.

Safe in the knowledge that the Obama’s would shortly be returning to Uganda, the new President of Freedonia, the man who has real estate literally coming out of his ears,  promised everything from millions of new  jobs, the destruction of Islamic terrorism, to free condoms. Freedonia will be made great again instead of being a nation that just….well grates! He reminded the bewildered crowd that sometimes the best investments in life are the ones you don’t make. Everyone pretended to understand because if you don’t understand Donald then there’s obviously something wrong with you.

Then there were more awkward moments and pointless speeches before all back to Donald’s place for a piss up and a cheap buffet and then watch so-called world famous entertainment that wouldn’t look out of place in an out-take of the ‘X-Factor’. So at the end of the day the 45th President has moved into the White House and has probably already banged Melania all over the Oval Office. He doesn’t care what the press, his opponents or what any other haters say. because the Freedonian President knows one thing for sure

‘It really doesn’t matter what the media write as long as you’ve got a young a beautiful piece of ass.’

Good luck America.


22nd January 2017.