Now here’s a question. Cast your minds back to the 31st December 1999. Does that date ring any alarm bells at all? Does your blood chill at the very memory? Can you recall the uncontrolled hysteria as the dire warnings of apocalypse at midnight flooded the airwaves?...

Like all couples my wife and I had a bit of a disagreement last night, actually it was full blown row. I won’t bore with the minutia of the disagreement suffice as to say that, like most husbands, I lost. After she threw my dinner in the bin it got me thinking about...

Here’s a question for you. How many activities can you think of that labour under the delusion that they’re a sport? It’s a great debate after a few pints and I’d encourage anybody to try it. Anyway, personally I reckon that no sport can be deemed to be as such unless...

So there you go. Big Phil’s chucking it all in. The Royal slave drivers have finally decided that when one reaches the age of 95 then one no longer has to walk five feet behind one’s wife with their hands behind their back insulting almost everybody she shakes hands...

So, our ungrateful Scottish friends are sick of our marriage and want a divorce! Fair enough. After all we’ve been sleeping in separate beds for years now, though we still try to screw them regularly!  Anyway, I reckon we should insist on their independence and here’s...

So it’s nearing that time again. The gong show is about to start. It’s otherwise known as the Queen’s birthday honours list. That yearly exercise in snobbery that gives the recipient kudos and precedence, standing him out from the mob. It’s remained largely the same...