Did you ever buy an item of clothing from a shop or online? It looked lovely. They had it your size, in your favourite colour, and you already had in mind that special event where you were going to wear it in front of your friends who would go green with envy, and demand to know where you bought it. Unfortunately there is one small, but not insignificant problem. You didn’t try it on did you?
And so this is where the country has found itself in relation to Brexit. Unfortunately fifty one per cent of the country have bought the Brexit trousers without realising that when they are finally delivered one leg will be longer than the other, the waist will be ten inches too big, and there will be a sizeable split up the arse.
Luckily however, the nation is slowly deciding that it is not prepared to stand idly by and let a recession caused by the hubris of arch buffoon Boris Johnson push more and more people into poverty or to let our links with the outside world be cast aside, leaving our children to grow up without the same opportunities for travel, study and cultural exchange that my mine yours and previous generations once took for granted. Moreover are the politicians who led the Leave campaign, and their business backers, going to be held to account and made to honour their undertakings to increase spending on the NHS and other public services, and to prevent any trade deal with the Americans and other countries within Europe who privilege the rights of Corporations over citizens? Are they fuck? But the penny has finally dropped that the nation is sleepwalking into a nightmare. Indeed, Teresa May is so convinced what a monumental fuck up the decision was to leave that she trying to negotiate a hundred years period of transition! The only good thing about Brexit surely is that we can finally say goodbye to Scotland and Northern Ireland?
The only thing we can all be sure of now is uncertainty, and that usually means economic volatility and shocks. Any blind man could have seen that the leave campaigners did and do not have the slightest semblance of a plan. The promises that the campaign was built on were nothing more than bullshit, the two biggest steaming piles being that the £350m extra cash to spend on public services and the ending of free movement of labour, have already evaporated before our eyes. Before we bought the trousers the Brexiters refrain was ‘they need us as much as we need them’ while ignoring the very small fact that anything and everything Britain gets by way of any trade deals will be decided by the EU. In other words out of Europe but still run by Europe. Yeah, fucking great deal eh people?
Like any sales of goods and services, we should be allowed to return our decision to leave the EU to Brussels for a full refund. The item remains in its proper wrapping, it hasn’t been worn, and the labels are still attached. Once we put those trousers on the EU will argue that they were perfect when they left the factory and that the hole in the arse was put there by us!


1st February 2018